Monday, January 10, 2005

FedEx, Cast Away and Remarriage

I ordered a Goose Down Memory Foam Mattress Topper from at Wifey-Pooh's behest. Overstock's free shipping service is via FedEx, which proved to be quite unfortunate, as I was unable to procure the shipment despite my efforts.

FedEx has a dizzing array of U.S. "services" which is both impressive and disheartening. Impressive, because Americans are by and large want choices, although our choices often show who we truly are. Disheartening, because none of the services seem to work particularly well, except perhaps the FedEx letter service.

Knowing that the package would be delivered on Saturday, I had called FedEx customer service to arrange for them to leave the package at a FedEx store. They indicated they would pass the message on to the driver. Great, right? Saturday comes, and I called customer service so I could see if my package arrived. Did you know that FedEx does not allow you to talk to an in-store employee by phone? I was unable to call the FedEx store which should have received my package, and customer service would not connect me. When queries as to why, the parroted answer was "it is corporate policy." I drove to the store, and (naturally) no package. Three days, four "customer service" representatives and one drive to FedEx later, and nobody can help me.

I know the name of my UPS driver. Is it any wonder I ship UPS whenever possible? I was reminded of Tom Hanks in Cast Away, yelling at FedEx employees, "(This package took) four days!...Our competition is killing us!" They'll gladly allow a moving to use their brandname in an airplane crash, but they won't let you call their offices... heh.

Wifey-Pooh and I were wondering why FedEx is so secretive about their location phone numbers when the conversation turned to what happened in Cast Away. What would we do in such a situaiton?

The odds of a plane crash killing me this year are about 310,000 to 1. Nonetheless, what if I was "Cast Away?" It is a weird scenario to consider, but it would not be unreasonable, after three years, to come back and find that Wifey-Pooh had remarried (despite her protestation that there is nobody else for her). Nobody would blame her, and I probably wouldn't re-introduce myself to her life.

This is what we settled on: Wifey-Pooh and I both want the other to remarry if one of us died, but we would probably not do so unless there were physical evidence of death. Otherwise, it could lead to the uncomfortable situation of "I've remarried, but I have not been divorced, so I need to leave you for my wife." Eeek!

No comments:

Post a Comment