Cathy's dad is sick (again?)

Here's a prayer request for Cathy's dad. We found out last week that one lobe of his lungs (there are five lobes) has collapsed and he has something wrong. Cathy's dad thinks it is an infection, while the doctors are concerned that, somehow, the cancer has reappeared.

This caused quite a stir for us; Cathy wants very much to spend time with her father, and I would like to work along side him at the church. After his healing in January we were not expecting this.

Please pray that God's will be done in all our lives, especially Cathy's dad. Please pray for his health and healing. Finally, please pray that God will provide a means for us to spend more time with him, especially Cathy. Thank you.

God provides some things through us

I can't complain about my lot in life. We have much and plenty.

On Saturday, as we left a grocery store, a man and an old woman approached our car, begging for money. He said he was trying to feed his family and his mom. We didn't have much cash to give them, so he only got $3.00 from us. As he guided his mom to another car, I started to pull away but decided to stop. We went back to the man and his mom; we offered to buy him a meal or some groceries and he took us up on it.

His name is Robert. I went into the grocery store with Robert while Cathy stayed outside and chatted with his mom. His family moved here from Philadelphia. He does auto body work and thought he could find a job here easily, like back home. Unfortunately, he can't find work and lives day-to-day. We got a modest basket of food because he does not have refrigeration; I paid and we joined Robert's mom and Cathy.

Cathy had been chatting with Robert's mom and prayed with her. Robert's mom is a Christian, and was very glad for the company and prayer. She's blind (we don't know why) and Robert is the son trying to take care of the family. She thinks her other son, who comes by and follows them around harassing them, may be demonicly influenced. They have it pretty rough.

We left Robert and his mom at the grocery store, heading home with their daily bread.

While it was good to do something for Robert and his mom, it hurt that we have such limitations. But just as we trust God for our daily needs, I have to trust that God will watch over His other children, too. It is not for me to try to do it all, but we'll try to do all that He asks of us, when He asks it.

So, if you would, ask God to watch over Robert and his mom. Thanks.

Update from Taiwan: All is Well

God has indeed been with me on this trip, and I thank you for your prayers. It is a long post, so I have bolded the essential elements, but feel free to read it all, of course.

My departing plane was scheduled for Monday at 11:10 PM but was delayed for one hour. It took 14 hours 30 minutes, so it was about 3 PM on Tuesday in California when I landed. It was already 7 A.M. Wednesday morning when I arrived in Taiwan. Mom picked me up at the airport and we took the taxi to the cafe my mom manages. I called Cathy, of course. I call her daily when it is 9 P.M. in California.

Wednesday in Taiwan was spent reacquainting ourselves. We decided we had to collect some documentation before we took other actions. It wasn't until about 7 P.M. that I got to my parents' house and started leafing through dad's paperwork. My father seems to throw nothing away, and by 9 P.M. I had simply run out of steam; my mom is sleeping at the nearby cafe, above the store, and I slept there, too. Mom insisted that I get a back massage first, and I must say that it helped my aching muscles recover from the trip. I got to bed at 10:00 P.M.

Thursday morning I woke at 3 A.M., took a brief walk, and got back to sleep until 7:30 A.M. After sharing a quick breakfast with mom, I went back to the house and located all the remainder of the necessary paperwork for our visit to the American Institute in Taiwan (AIT). AIT had called mom over the weekend after I called, and mom was to simply do a walk-in instead of setting an appointment. We walked in that afternoon and filled out the necessary paperwork, thus acquiring the official English death report. That will be sent to whatever agency dispenses my father's pension and will automatically stop the deposits. I got to bed at 10:00 P.M. again.

Friday morning I woke at 4:30 A.M. and was unable to get back to sleep. I checked on the house, let out their dog, and read the paper. A little after noon we went to the crematory and made final arrangements for the disposition of my father's remains. Legally, an available family member needs to identify the body and witness the transportation of the body to the furnace. I got some time to do a brief, solitary memorial while they prepared the furnace. Mom does not handle such things well, so I took her home for lunch and returned for the actual cremation. I witnessed the closing of the casket and accompanied his body to the furnace. I was able to read from John 11 and 2 Corinthians 5 as my father's body was committed to the flames. After I took possession, I dropped the urn off at the house and returned to my mom at the cafe. We had dinner, then mom sent me to a foot massage, and I got to bed about 1:00 A.M.

It was my father's wish to have his remains placed in a U.S. national cemetery. I hope to bring my brothers together at some point for a memorial service. I have an outline in my head already.

Saturday marked the day I got accustomed to the time change. I got up at 7:30 A.M., took care of mom's dog, and got breakfast. We went to visit my maternal grandmother in a town named Pusin. We rode the bus for 4 hours there and visited with grandma. She lives with my second oldest uncle and his wife. We had to leave after only 90 minutes, but it was good to see her again, alive and well at 80. It took another 4 hours to get back.

That brings things current. I need to determine my return date (probably Tuesday evening) and get a few scraps of information from mom. I also want to gather the documents and photos which have suddenly become precious to me; anything my mom does not intend to retain I am boxing up to take with me.

This has been a good trip, thus far. I found the necessary documentation, determined my mom's needs, and was able to take care of the immediate business of my father's death. My mother and I have taken the first steps to being a family again. God has been with me every step of the way. I need, next, to return with minimal incident to my wife's side. Please pray for my safe return. Thank you! (11:54 PM Saturday in Taiwan)

Got my passport and tickets, leaving tonight

Thank God, I've got my passport and my tickets. I leave tonight from LAX and will arrive on Wednesday early morning, I belive (not sure).

This is going to hit us hard financially. It will cost about $1200 just getting there between the ticket ($970) and all the fees and taxes. Once there, I only have until Monday (USA time) of paid days off, and after that I am on unpaid leave. I won't get paid from church (I'm a contractor, not an employee) and I won't be doing any side jobs. So, it's a lot more money out and less money in. Well, God will take care of that, too, and I will do what I can when I get back. That also means I will probably be back by next Wednesday.

I've left a message for Veteran Affairs, but they have not called back yet. A review of their web site seems to indicate that my mother is elligible for annual monetary benefits. There is also some form of medical benefit, too. I would have to make up the shortfall, and I still think it would be easier here instead of there. But, I will have to talk with mom and assess the situation when I get there.

Please pray for safe travel and successful entry into Taiwan. I will need wisdom and discernment in reviewing my mom's situation. When the right course is apparent, I will need cooperation from my mother. Please also pray for God's provision and protection over Cathy while I am away. And, please thank Him for providing the means to go today.

My father died; how will I care for my mother?

My father died this morning, about 11:30 AM California time (3:30 AM in Taiwan).

I was praying that we could make arrangements to take care of my mother, but I'm on my own for that, now. The hospital opens at 7:00 AM and I can get a death certificate, then my emergency passport, then get on a plane to Taiwan.

My father was a great father to me. I will miss him very, very much, and look forward to seeing him again in heaven very, very much.

Here is what I am praying for now. That I can get to Taiwan and help make arrangements to move my mother stateside, and get my father's military benefits applied to my mom. I want honor my mother while she lives. She is relatively young at 57. I don't think I can support her remotely, so I'll need to move her here. But more will become clear when I get there, and after we've made a few calls about how military benefits apply.

A specific prayer request, and notes for me

Prayer Request:
Here is what I am praying for now. I am praying that my father will recover, that I can get to Taiwan and help make arrangements to move my parents stateside, and get my father military medical care. During that, I want to work with my father to arrange for his benefits to apply to mom after he dies. And I want honor my father and mother while they live, to take care of them.

Notes:
When my father was admitted this week, my mother attempted to contact me but had lost my phone number; my dad usually tracks these things. She did find my email address and asked a friend to contact me via email. Today, my mom found my cell phone number and called me. I promised to call her back, and mom went to the hospital to see dad.

My father's been in the hospital since Thursday or Friday (Taiwan) evening. My mom says he has been unconscious for two or three days. My mother is very distraught, and I think she is quite scared. Mom wants me to be there as soon as I can. I'll need a ticket right away.

I called Ruby, my sister-in-law. She calls two or three times a month, so she's got more current information, but was not aware this yet. My father has been sick for some time now. Dad has fought tuberculosis several times in his life, and it has occurred again. He's also had pneumonia for almost two months, with difficulty breathing and much coughing. He's been weak during this illness and been to the hospital several times. She'll update my other brothers.

Ruby says my parents did receive my letters and cards, but have not been feeling well enough to respond. My previous phone calls were unpleasant, so I simply quit calling. They couldn't write back, and I wouldn't call, so I did not know any of this. *sigh*

As soon as I hung up the phone with my mom I realized I would need a ticket. Then it struck me that I would need a passport, and mine had expired in 2005. You can call the Department of State at 202-647-4000 for an emergency passport, but the operator told me the after hours passport duty officer was swamped and would probably have to call me back. Also, the duty officer would probably need the hospital to fax over proof. I left a message and it's been five hours so far...

I already called my boss and made other arrangements for my duties at church...

I checked all my email addresses. I found the email in my Yahoo! spam box. I found the email her friend sent, and traded instant messages with. His name is San.

The situation is poor, and the doctor indicated that my father could die at any time. The chances that my father will recover is less than 15%. He is at the 林口長庚醫院 (Lin Ko Hospital). I saw a link for 長庚 and found the address, 桃園縣龜山鄉復興街5號. So, now I have a phone number and fax number for the hospital.

As soon as I get my passport, I will get tickets, and then go. I don't know how long emergency passports take, but I haven't heard from the duty officer yet. Cathy packed a bag for me, and told her dad's church in Georgia.

I messaged a couple of friends for prayer support, and Wallance gave me her calling card number to save me money. I got a call from my mom and updated her, specifically the need for a passport. She kinda lost it on the phone and told me what a rotten son I've been again, but I just let her yell it out; she's stressed.

I then emailed all my friends, blogged it, called my church prayer chain, and stopped to pray by myself. I didn't know what to pray for. But, after praying, it did occur to me that I need to take care of my mom, and I don't know how that will work. I called Ruby again, and she doesn't know if dad has a will, either. *sigh*

I know the Air Force will transport him for medical care. I think the Air Force will also transfer caskets, too, but only as far as U.S. soil. I don't know how my father's retirement benefits could be transferred to his widow, and how to arrange for my mom to have access to dad's bank account.

Here is what I am praying for now. I am praying that my father will recover, that I can get to Taiwan and help make arrangements to move my parents stateside, and get my father military medical care. During that, I want to work with my father to arrange for his benefits to apply to mom after he dies. And I want honor my father and mother while they live, to take care of them.

My father is dying

My mom called about 6:45, and my father is in the hospital. They live in Taiwan. He's been unconscious since Friday. He is 72.

The doctors say he has a 15% of living through the night.

My passport expired, so I am trying to get an emergency one. Then I'll need to get a ticket and fly out there. Cathy packed my bag already.

I haven't had time to worry, but I figure that I will break down when I run out of things to do. Please pray. That's what I'm doing now.

Cathy's dad is healed! No more cancer!

Wow! Got a call from Cathy at 12:45. She just got off the phone with her dad's, and the doctors have declared him healed!

As you may recall, Cathy's dad had cancer. Back in August Al found out he had lung cancer, which then spread. The chemo seemed to shrink the tumor, but they had to discontinue treatment due to complications with side effects. Al almost died, made a miraculous recovery (and the hospital staff nicknamed him the "miracle man"). Then a spot appeared on his brain, which disappeared but was replaced by another one. The doctors decided to wait to give him time to become stronger for more treatment as his heart was having troubles.

Now, there's no trace of the cancer, none at all! The doctors say that the only thing left of the cancer is the scar tissue in his lungs. Al's heart is reportedly back to normal. Wow.

God is good, all the time. Praise Him! :-)

Georgia and Back

Several friends have noted that I have not been keeping up with the blog and emailed their concern. Thanks! Some of you have noticed that we went to Georgia and came back without blogging about it. Part of that is due to the business surrounding that trip, but that was a month ago now. So, first...

Georgia.
I bought a ticket for $146 and flew out to Georgia on 10/17. Cathy met me at the airport and we happily drove back to her dad's house together. We attended Cathy's sister's wedding on Saturday. I got to preach twice (Sunday and Wednesday) and generally attended morning Bible studies and tagged along with Cathy's dad, Al, as much as possible.

Al's cancer had progressed much like a faith journey; there was a spot on his brain scan, and on a re-check the spot had dissappeared and been replaced with another one. Each health chalenge is met by God's grace, and new challenges come along, another opportunity to trust God. Al's health is in God's hands, and we all think that is a good place for it. The doctors are convinced it is a matter of time; Al thinks God is not done with him yet, and it is a matter of His time.

I have received a great deal of education which should prepare a pastor for a position of ministry. I look at what Al does, though, and know that education along is insifficient to do what he does daily. Rather, God's grace alone is sufficient for the task, for which Al says he does not measure up, and for which I would see myself falling far short of acheiving. When I first met Al, I thought that what he does is admirable, but something I could not do. Later, I found it admirable, and would consider helping on occasion. Then, I considered the possibility of being an assistant pastor, but I decided that I could not lead such a ministry. And now, I know for sure such a ministry is beyond my power, but would willingly labor in it.

The church campus is large to me, sitting on 22 acres, most of which is undeveloped. I looked around and saw great potential. It is in this context that I heard God's call, to my surprise and no small distress, that He wanted me to serve as Al's successor. As I already stated, I am unable to fulfill such a task on my own power, and my own inability terrifies me. It was Friday evening that I knelt with Cathy and prayed, and accepted in my mind that Al was going to ask me to take his place; not long thereafter, Cathy's dad did, indeed, ask me to do so. By faith, I have accepted what we each believe is God's will. Since then, I have come to a peace that God, in His sovereignty, will provide and direct.

I was unable to preach on Sunday before we left because I wanted to see my longtime friend and brother in the Lord, Ted Chandler. Saturday came surprisingly quickly, and we left early on Sunday in order to drive up to Indiana and see the Chandlers. Ted & Angela encouraged us in our decision and ffter sharing a meal at Cracker Barrel we pressed on. We stopped at St. Louis (MO), Denver (CO), St. George (UT), and got home. We were very happy to see my kitties and doggy again.

I had previously inquired about a transfer to Georgia but I was told that there is no room right now; payroll in Georgia is already full. That means the company is needs to either make a lot more money, or someone in Georgia would have to retire or quit. *sigh* God will work it out. So, that's the update on Georgia.

Finances
Cathy and I are looking to refinance the triplex so we can afford it. After all, we're expecting God to provide a means for us to move East. My original plan involved being bi-vocational, essentially getting a transfer and working at the church with every spare hour. Now, I don't know, but the first step is to make living more affordable.

Cathy is still looking for employment; we joke about working at Starbucks, where she could get inexpensive coffee. She is thinking about a mailing place, though, as well. We'll see how that works out.

Cats
The cats are all doing OK. Boaz is very much himself and seems nonetheless for wear since his surgery; the only difference with Boaz is his increased affection for us. Bubba just got his nuts removed today, but male kitties recover so soon that you would think they didn't notice being at the vet at all.

Graduation
I graduate the second week of December. Thank God.

There are a few other things, like Cathy's car getting keyed, but God seems to be teaching us to be less attached to material things, so we're not looking to get that fixed immediately. We went to Disneyland as we had two passes which were expiring, and we stayed Big Bear for a timeshare sales pitch and $75 (free money!). On the way back from Big Bear, Cathy and I discussed and debated passages about Satan whether we give him too much credit; what a suitable wife for me!

Cathy driving to Georgia again to see her dad

So Al, Cathy's dad, had two operations scheduled, one for his throat and one for his lung. He had trouble breathing afterwards and would have died but was resuscitated.

He had the throat surgery Tuesday was recovering at the hospital when he “flat lined” and had to be resuscitated. The doctors are saying he had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia used for the surgery, and this was a reaction to the allergy. I'm not sure what that means, but that scared the family.

Al is under observation but expected to make a full recovery.

Cathy is still quite spooked and is driving out to see her dad. Please pray for Al’s recovery, and please pray for Cathy’s safety in travel. Thanks. She should be there Saturday afternoon.

Cathy's Dad's Cancer is Shrinking!

Got an update on Cathy's dad. The chemotherapy is nearing completion, and the tumor is shrinking. Short of a miraculous disappearance, this is what we prayed for. There are two surgeries planned, one for the tumor and one for his throat.

Update 3 on Cathy's Father

Cathy heard from her step-mom yesterday. Al will be starting chemotherapy in one week. He'll be treated daily at the clinic for four weeks. It's quite a drive, almost two hours (something like Dahlonega, GA).

If the cancer shrinks in four weeks, they will operate, Al will recuperate, and we will all celebrate, because that would be it -- no more cancer. If it does not respond in four weeks, the chemotherapy will continue until Al goes into remission.

I am praying this works the first time around. Cathy's sister's wedding is in late October, so Al would have time to recover. May God grant our requests!

Update 2 on Cathy's Father

Al's cancer has indeed spread (previous post).
:-(

He is not a candidate for surgery, but they think chemotherapy may help. However, Cathy is not sure Al would undergo chemotherapy willingly.

More on Monday...

Update on Cathy's Father

Here's an update on Al, Cathy's father.

The lung capacity test results are back and they are good. They met with the surgeon today and feel very good about him. The surgeon is wondering about the initial diagnosis, though; he thinks the prognosis is better than initially expected. He is reviewing the findings of the first doctor before proceeding.

The cancer is in the upper part of Al's left lung. The inflammation caused by the cancer spread to his larynx, which caused him to lose his voice. The first doctor thought the inflammation had spread from the left side of Al's larynx to the right side; this could mean the cancer spread from the left lung to the right lung. The surgeon does not think this is the case, but he wants to make sure.

The other bright spot is that the cancer is growing very slowly. They have at least two months to determine the best course of action. This gives us much more time to plan our trips and get the grandkids to Al.

The possibilities of Al's treatment are:

1. the cancer has not spread, it is large-cell cancer, they remove one lung, he lives normally in remission.
2. the cancer has not spread, it is small-cell cancer, they treat him with chemotherapy, he goes into remission.
3. the cancer has spread, he gets chemo.
   

Come what may, the timing is much better. Please ask God to prevent the cancer from spreading, and that God grants mercy upon Al and those who love him. Thank you!

Cathy's father has lung cancer

Cathy's father has lung cancer. His name is Al.

The results of the initial test came back yesterday; it's not the type of cancer you can leave alone; it is not benign. A lung capacity test has been scheduled for Monday, 08/13/2007. If that works out, the doctors will arrange for an operation to remove the cancer; up to removing one lung.

Cathy is understandably concerned. While we had been praying for this for about three weeks now, I had expected it to be benign. We are making arrangements to be present before and after the operation. Cathy's brother and his family will be going, too.

Al is a pastor out in Georgia. Our plan is to ask (and receive) an eventual transfer to Georgia, then begin working with Cathy's dad's church. Cathy would work there most weeks, and I would work there on weekends and after office hours. So, they're looking forward to our eventual arrival. We have plans for several years of working side-by-side until Al's successor can be installed (I think he is hoping it is I, but I'm thinking we'll just get through this and get to Georgia, first).

It is another time to ask for God's grace to trust Him and His will. Please pray that the upcoming tests are good, that the surgery and scheduling all work out, and that God grants mercy upon Al and those who love him.

Cathy's being "terminated"

Alrighty then. So, Cathy's being "terminated" instead of "fired." Originally, they were going to fire her, but human resources changed that to a termination instead. I can't say any more at this time, but her employer has agreed to a severence package and will be drawing it up. Until then, Cathy will just keep performing her job function.

What is unclear at this point is how the medical coverage will work. God is gracious: the Hepatitis C is completely over now. Cathy still has MRI's scheduled this month with Kaiser, so we'll have to see how medical works after her termination. My employer's carrier will pick us up without problems, but I wonder about the transition.

Since she is being terminated instead of fired, Cathy will receive unemployment benefits. That, along with my new (amount unknown) stipend from church should allow us to make the necessary changes to weather the shortfall in our income.

We have drawn great comfort in the ways that God has prepared us this past week. The sermon on Sunday was on no worrying about tomorrow. I had an insight on Monday that was related as well. Cathy had a prayer time Monday night which caused her to tell God that she is ready for whatever change He has in store for us. Then this happened.

The Bible, especially the Hebrew sections, tells us repeatedly to remember what God has done for us. Looking back over our ten years of marriage, God has seens us through many things, and has blessed us with many blessings. Remembering God's faithfulness gives us great confidence that this too shall pass. We will look back one day and remember this as a time when God showed us His faithfulness once again.

Verses which are particularly comforting include "do not worry about tomorrow" and "if anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask God." We don't know exactly what we're going to do next, except to look at our lifestyle and make some changes. At this point, we don't know when Cathy's last day is to be. Cathy had originally gone back to the office to pack her stuff, but was then told, "we didn't mean today." That seems odd to me, but hey, whatever happens next, Cathy will do her best and be a good example.

Cathy's been fired

First, thanks be to God, who is gracious and hears our prayers. He's always been good, and today is no different. Today's trial does not change that.

Second, my wife just got fired. It came as a shock to us both. At this point, I am most concerned with the health coverage for my wife's follow-up exams. Well, there's income, too...

Anyway, we have a new prayer request. I'll update as we go...

Cathy's Going to Live!

Well, we've got official confirmation of God's goodness:

Cathy is complete Hepatitis-C-free!

Thanks for all the prayer's and supportive comments over the past year or so. God is good!

Warning: Long Whining Post

Warning: long whining post.

Yesterday was Chinese New Year's Eve. We went to a 99 Ranch Market (an Asian American supermarket) to pick up a few items yesterday. New Year was getting close, and I think it triggered some cravings for traditional foods. Anyway, we were in line, and I knew that New Year's Day was close, so I asked a woman when Chinese New Year was this year. She says to me, "除夕是今天" (which means "New Year's Eve is today." So I made plans to call my mother for the traditional exchange of greetings.

Normally, Chinese New Year is the biggest event of the year, and all the family gathers together. The celebration of the New Year holiday season lasts 15 days. I suppose it is similar to Thanksgiving and Christmas for Americans in that way. Some Chinese even pick out a plum tree. Anyway...

I haven't received a letter from home in more than five(?) years now. When my dad needs to contact me, he calls (which is why my cell phone number will not change). My mother may have stopped writing to punish me; I am not sure, although she told me exactly that one time. It doesn't make sense to me. Anyway, my mother wants me to write more often. I quit calling because my mom tends to tell me what a disappointment I've been and how I need to be a better son to her. We just don't know each other, as I've explained previously. So, I don't call home often. With no letters back, I don't write often, either, although I have good reasons to change that.

My sister in law calls regularly. She encouraged me to reach out to my parents with regular letters, and I agreed that was a good idea. This last letter, I asked Cathy to write a little note; Cathy didn't think my mother cared to hear from her, but she wrote anyway. Well, my sister in law emailed me and told me how happy my parents were to receive that note, and how they were looking forward to my planned summer visit to Taiwan. With all that in my subconscious, I called home.

It took me a long time to get through on the phone. I use a phone card to save money, and I tried off-and-on for almost 90 minutes to get a connection. Sometimes, the phone would ring once, pick up, and hang up. Sometimes I would wait 30 seconds and hear "all circuits are busy." I'm sure hundreds of thousands of Chinese were also trying to call Asia, so getting through was more difficult than normal. Either way, I finally got through and was able to greet my mother with both the wish for prosperity as well as the simple "Happy New Year."

I was expecting neutral and pleasant small talk. That ended after 10 or 15 seconds, and my mother started telling me again (in Chinese) what a disappointment I've been. "You're less familiar to me than a stranger," she said. "Everyone else can talk about their wonderful sons who moved to America, but I'm afraid to open my mouth," she said. "Are you even my son, or were you born from a rock?" she asked.

I tried to interject, to apologize, but she just got louder. I tried to tell her that I am just trying to... Well, I guess I don't know what I was trying to do. I just wanted to call my mother and wish her a Happy New Year. I'm not sure what I said next, but I yelled it. It was something like I didn't call to be yelled at. I told her I had to try a long time just to get through, and I didn't call to give her a chance to hurt me. Who does that? I told her I just wanted to wish her a Happy New Year, and that I was going to hang up. She told my dad that her son didn't want to talk to her, so my dad and I spoke for a bit. We talked a little, and I hung up.

I called back later (it didn't take as long to get through) and apologized to my mother for yelling at her. She told me some more things I was doing wrong as her son (nothing I can understand, unfortunately), and I just absorbed it.

My father and I spoke for a bit, too. He advised me not to plan on visiting anytime soon (he said it would be a waste of time, whatever that means). We also talked about providing for my mother, since he may not live for too many more years. *sigh*

Anyway, I feel kinda like my mother manipulated my sister in law. She seems to want me to figure out how to be a good son but won't tell me how. She wants me to be the son she wanted to rear (but didn't). I cannot become a better Chinese son, because I'm only "so" Chinese. I'm much more American than she realizes. Cathy is trying to help me decipher the clues my mother gives me... there must be a way to understand the "I'm a bad son" messages so I can determine how to be a good son to her.

I could use some prayer on that front...

Trusting God

So, last week I was thinking about trusting God. I've got a lot going on, between work, school, marriage, and remodeling, not to mention my church internship. I had felt, in the past weeks, an increasing persistent sense of dread.

That is to say, I had begun to worry.

I have thought about Jesus' words in Matthew chapter 6. You know, the "do not worry" part? And I have also been reading Larry Crabb's "Connecting" for class. I'm not sure exactly what I was reading, but at one point something connected inside me, and I began to think I was asking God for the wrong things.

The next morning, as I was struggling to pray, it finally became clear to me that I did not need to pray for more time, or more energy, or more skill, not even more wisdom. The problem for me was that I was working hard to accomplish all that is on my plate. And the more I faced, the harder I struggled to get it all done. And I had begun to worry. What I needed to pray for (it came to me suddenly) was to ask God to help me to trust Him.

I'm not saying this is what Jesus meant when He said to "seek first His kingdom and His righteouness" but I think it is the same idea. All the tasks which lay before me are still there, even now, and they must be done. But a year from now, Thanksgiving will still be around the corner and this year will have become history.

God will see me through it. And it isn't about being empowered to do it all (though I think He will do so), it is about trusting Him in the middle of all of this.

So, I prayed that morning for God to help me to trust Him. And I think God spoke to me that morning, and I heard Him. And now the problems are there, but it is somehow O.K.

So, if you've been feeling like me, perhaps you should consider praying for trust in God. :-)