Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Hmm: Insecurity, Resumes and Faith

What is the relation between fear and faith, at least in my life? I must have been fairly stressed as I actually thought about updating my resume, which has not been touched since 1999. While several co-workers have indicated that I "could find a job anywhere", I am unwilling to test that assertion. I tried to discern the source of my harried thoughts, and I think the root cause is stress.

Fundamentally, my stress comes from an undercurrent of insecurity. Cathy & I have stepped out on a financial limb, while at the same time exercising our faith as faithful stewards of the money God has entrusted to us. The remodeling of the triplex is more physically and mentally demanding upon me than I care to admit often or out loud. Deep down, my attempts to continue to control my environment, even on a subconscious level, feeds my insecurity and manifests itself as stress in the arena of daily life.

My insecurity, I believe, runs insidiously beneath my subconscious, and is rooted in a fundamental disbelief. Of all the things I fear, I fear losing the ability to protect and to provide for the ones I love. If I truly believe in God, would I not seek first His kingdom and His righteousness? Do I really believe that God will provide my daily bread? Can I entrust "my" future into His hands?

God has never let me down before, I do not think He will do so now.

1 comment:

  1. I suppose that what we struggle with are common to all. I prayed for more faith today, and this afternoon I was provided with some small measure of reassurance. That was fast!